This is a love letter to those who are feeling the fear, who are scared to post, scared to give the talk, scared to launch that thing, or scared to go all in.
So you wanna start something?
A new business, a new project, a new platform, launch a new service?
Something that feels good to you, is helpful to others, gets talked about, and gosh, has people signing up?
Rock on!! ????
But you’re scared.
Of course you are.
Cos the safe thing to do is to follow the crowd, colour inside the lines, and follow the rules. Standing out is risky.
But I’m thinking if you’re reading this then the risk of you creating the thing is nothing to the risk of you continuing to wish, to dream, and to feel wretched every time someone else does what you want to do. ????
Bigger brains than mine can tell you how we’re hardwired to stay within our comfort zone and how we’re culturally conditioned to fit in (ladies and gents I give you the modern school system!)
All I can tell you about is my fear of creating and how I overcome it
We all have our own flavour of fear.
Like Cheese & Onion crisps, my fear turned out to be the most popular flavour…fear of judgment.
I was scared of being sneered at, jeered, compared, and left wanting.
I didn’t share my work or talk about what I did — I spent all my time dreaming and planning and not enough time doing. I felt like the world’s best-kept secret, but I desperately didn’t want to be a secret.
It took me a bloody long time — too long — to flick two fingers at the fear and just share my work.
And it was chancing across this podcast that changed everything.
We get judged all the time
This was the core lesson that socked me in the chops!
Whether we’re walking down the street, speaking up in a meeting, dancing around on Insta, or just minding our own business, we are being judged.
We are constantly being put in little boxes marked interesting, pretty, funny, boring, stupid, cool, weird, sad.
It is just the human way.
We make sense of the world and our place in it by judging others.
And no matter what we do we are being judged.
Think about it, you’re making a judgment about me right now based on these words.
So, if we’re being judged all the time (and for something ridiculous like how you eat a sandwich or how you wear your hair) why not make it for something really important?
Like writing something that makes one person feel seen, sharing an idea that helps spring forth another dozen ideas or creating something that makes a positive dent in this world.
What a totally liberating thought — if we’re constantly being judged, then let’s make it judge-worthy!!
What would life look like 3 months from now if you knew you were being judged but took action anyway? ????
Another theory that totally liberated me from the fear to create is the rule of thirds (taken from psychologist Alfred Adler)
In every aspect of your life you are loved, judged and ignored by many
a third of people love or have positive feelings towards you
a third are indifferent or neutral
and a third don’t like you
I know this is true for me, there are people I just don’t connect with. They’ve done nothing wrong, I’m sure they’re super beings, I just don’t dig them.
So if we have no control over who likes, ignores, or dislikes us, then why not just create for the third who get us, who like what we have to say?
Let the indifferents scroll past or not subscribe and don’t waste energy and time thinking about the don’t-likers.
Focus on the people that like and support you, and if you have a small audience as I do, that’s pretty much everyone in your network!
I know this is easy to write, less easy when you can’t muster the courage to comment on a friend’s Insta or FB post. But, what you want for yourself, for others, for your life to become, is not created in the comfort zone.
“When we do uncomfortable things we create a comfortable life.” Jake Currie, mindset coach
So for now whilst you’re mulling over these big-ass concepts, here are some practical actions to get you from procrastinating to producing.
(You know I love getting you fired up and into action!!)
1. Write down your fears.
What is actually preventing you from doing the thing? 2. And what is the source of the feelings?
Do you have evidence that that the thing you fear will actually happen, or is it an old story or based on childhood memory? 3. What’s the worst that can happen?
Let your imagination fly, what’s the absolute worst outcome, and how would you deal with it? And if the worst happens, is it so bad? Will those that care about you turn their back on you? 4. What’s the best that will happen?
I love this one question, what is the most positive outcome of you doing the thing? 5. Set yourself the challenge of doing something small that scares you every day
This is a great way to build your confidence muscle and show your brain that it is safe for you to step outside your comfort zone.
Post on social — anything, it doesn’t have to business-related
Strike up a conversation with someone you don’t know
Reach out to someone in your industry you admire and tell them why
Ask for a testimonial and share it
Talk or share about an amazing experience you’ve had with a client.
Record a live video and post it in a supportive facebook group or send it to friends.
Ask friends and family to comment on your best qualities….and write them down!
Step out there every single day and see what happens.
Did you get positive feedback, good? Focus on the feedback and use that to spur you on to something bigger. Extend your comfort zone.
“Because the only way out of your comfort zone is to get out of your comfort zone.” Jim Fortin, transformational psychologist
Let’s end on a positive note; you’ll be dead soon ????
Our time here is limited, so let’s not waste it.
Do the small thing that will propel you into action, do the thing to prove to you that your fears are nothing to be feared.